this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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