Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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