Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
