if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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