Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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