im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
