Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
