Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize