I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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