I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
