It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
