Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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