happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
