Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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