I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
