Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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