rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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