i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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