the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
