do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
