That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
