I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
