She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
