So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
