You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You ruined the universe
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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