fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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