Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
