Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
