i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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