Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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