Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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