My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
