We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
