your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
"it" just moved
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
