I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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