I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
