Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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