Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if only i could text you this smell
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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