Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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