I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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