drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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