i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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