Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
