so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
