I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
