now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize