I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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