I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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