I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this hospital has no fireball
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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