I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
