The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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