she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
