Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
