Who wears a wallet chain?!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
