sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
