my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
