Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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