Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
