I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize