hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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