I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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