There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
