So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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