Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
