i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
