Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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