It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
