the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
