Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
