weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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