I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
