there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
