when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
