Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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