totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
