You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
