I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
