I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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