did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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