I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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