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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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