ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Randomize
