We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
