JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
