Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
