I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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