i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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