Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
