You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
