Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
