Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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