I want you more than these girls want KFC
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you didnt know i had herpes?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
