I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is the high leading the old right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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