when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize