She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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