and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
