AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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