Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
